Frank De Raffele
Ladies: Tips on Communicating with Men
In Business Networking and Sex, my co-author, Hazel Walker and I drew a line and gave the perspective of our genders. I was always telling the men what we should and should not be doing. Okay, most of the time it was what we shouldn’t be doing and needed to stop. However, I am going to break convention here speak directly to the women. (Men you are going to want to read this.)
Ladies, let’s talk about what you need to be doing and not need to stop doing when conversing with a man. This will help you in both your business and your personal relationships….trust me.
When speaking to a man…..
Start With The End Explained. As men, we have a lot on our minds. We are juggling all types of work stuff, money stuff, family stuff, boss stuff, co-worker stuff, client stuff…..you get the point. We tend to be somewhat myopic in our thinking. It is hard for us to focus on more than one thing at a time. So, when you come to discuss something with us, let us know our final destination of this conversation before we start. If there is going to be a point to our conversation, let’s get that out up front. Much easier for me. If you come over and start talking about “random” you have lost me. But, if I know where we are going….where we want to end up…..then, even if you wander in your conversation with me, I can keep my eye on the ball. (Sports reference for men reading this.) I can stay focused….even if I feel you are not, and I have no clue how what you are currently discussing has ANYTHING to do with the ultimate point of where we are going. Which brings me to point number two.
Bullets and Periods are Best. When speaking to a man speaking in run on sentences or full paragraphs is too much for our little minds to handle. We tend not to work that way. Bullets. One to three sentence points are very powerful for us. We can remain focused and be very powerful, almost poetic, in our responses. The other day I was speaking with my Mom on the phone and I mentioned that I wasn’t feeling 100%. She asked me what was wrong and then let me know that Jack, my nephew, also wasn’t feeling well. As she told me about Jack I realized we were then talking about curtains….in her friends new family room. What just happened? How did we get here? She is sooo good at this. Somehow she so smoothly segwayed from my nephew being sick to her friends new curtains and I didn’t even notice until we were three paragraphs in to this conversation, AND I was asking questions about curtains ..Like I Actually Cared!
Ladies, don’t do this. We either get upset and say something, then you get upset because we said something. Or, we don’t say something and then you get upset because we are not participating. It is a vicious little circle we live in. Please, we are simple creatures….keep to the point.
Make Us Feel Important. Just so you know we are very clear that we are not the more powerful sex. We are very aware that women are smarter, better multi-taskers, mentally stronger (I have witnessed birth, I have no doubt about this one.) and great at building relationships. Our strengths: Ummm….Physical Strength, Generally Taller, Can Grow Facial Hair….I know there are a few more, but that is not important right now. The most important one…our EGOS we have big egos. Those of us that don’t have big egos have fragile egos. Either way, we need you to emotionally stroke us. Tell us how good looking, smart, kind, caring, powerful and sensitive we are. Compliment us on our roles: Business Position, Husband, Father, Friend, Community Leader and anything else you can think of. If you make us feel important we keep our little mental image of ourselves as the Alpha Male. Even if we know this is not true, it is a game we like to play in our heads. Example: It amazes me how much I look like Brad Pitt, yet how few people actually comment to me about it. People are funny.
Excuse Us, We Just Can’t Help It. We are cavemen who stand up straight and wear clothes. Besides that, our primal instincts will come through. IF YOU WEAR SOMETHING REVEALING….WE WILL LOOK….MORE THAN ONCE. Just letting you know. So you are wondering if he was looking at your chest when you wore a blouse that showed cleavage….the answer is YES. For each time you caught him looking there were 8.45 times he looked and you didn’t catch him. Generally we are very good at this because we have been doing it for so long. (Did you know we actually get a course on this in our high school gym class?) If he didn’t look then he probably has a serious health condition and you might want to drive him to the nearest ICU. Why do we do this? Because we are men. I know what you are thinking: “I don’t believe that, of course they can help it. They just need to be polite and not act like animals.” LOL. Okay, so let’s say you are right and that we can help it. My response: We just don’t and won’t. So deal with it. That is why you love us. So, please excuse us. It will continue to happen for the next couple of millenniums…after that I am not sure. Ladies on behalf of men everywhere, I apologize, but that is who we are.
I have shared with you four simple points on how to communicate better with us. More to come. Please don’t take what I say as the truth. Test my statements above. Ask men if they agree with what I have said. I guarantee they will agree with me 100% or they will lie through their teeth.